My Take on Sports

To all the girls out there who love sports, I am sorry because I am the girl you hate. You’re the sporty chicks who can kick it with the fellas. I’m the girl who once thought halftime at a football game was over before it even began. Needless to say, my sports knowledge is limited. Here’s what I have so far:

Hockey –

Why I like it: It’s fast-paced and every man on that ice has facial hair. (Cam Ward, if you’re reading this, I love you and would gladly bear your children).

Why I don’t like it: Safety first, I always say. Sticks are flying around everywhere and I worry that they will all be killed by blunt force trauma to the head.

Golf – 

Why I like it: If it’s televised it’s super great to nap to. If I’m seeing it in person….uhhh….the grass is really pretty? I also love mini-golf.

Why I don’t like it: Everyone is dressed in business casual attire and I’m really creeped out by that for some reason. It’s eerily quiet, yet sometimes people will yell, “GET IN THE HOLE!” and that is weird.

Basketball – 

Why I like it: The men are really tall and the men are really tall. Also, I keep up with the Kardashians. Because of this I am emotionally invested in Lamar Odom’s career.

Why I don’t like it: Are the men too tall? How tall is too tall? Plus, Lamar was so sad when he had to leave the Lakers. LA was his home! I felt his turmoil.

Baseball –

Why I like it: ……….

Why I don’t like it: ……….

Soccer –

Why I like it: The clock is constantly running. I am obsessed with watching the clock at athletic events. I don’t know why but it’s fun for me. Also, I like my men quick and wiry. Also, David Beckham and that Burger King commercial where he says smoovie instead of smoothie.

Why I don’t like it: I don’t understand any of the team names. Real Madrid? As opposed to fake Madrid? Manchester United? Why not just Manchester? I’m so blatantly ignorant on this and I kind of hate myself but I also don’t because why.

Football –

Why I like it: College football for the tailgating. Professional football for the….whatever I don’t know.

Why I don’t like it: I am from Virginia and we have no NFL team. Virginia is the birthplace of this nation! Where is our team, I say!   WE HAVE NO TEAMS. So all of us have to be like, “Well I guess I’ll pull for the Panthers…ya know…since they’re close to us.” This makes us feel inferior.

I was going to include tennis but I’m just so over this topic right now. Join me tomorrow when I talk about the new Sigur Ros vid featuring Shia LaBeouf in la buff*.

*Just kidding, I probably won’t blog about that. I just wanted to say Shia LaBeouf in la buff.