2012: The Year I Read Things

12 Books for 2012:

Terrorist – John Updike (3 bucks at Borders!)

The Fountainhead – Ayn Rand (Had to read an excerpt of this for an art history class I took once. I liked it, so I bought it)

Madame Bovary – Gustave Flaubert  (Apparently this novel caused quite a stir after publication – in 1857 – and was deemed highly immoral. Duh, I want to read it)

No Angel – Penny Vincenzi (Scandal! Intrigue! Family drama!)

Then Again – Diane Keaton (I kind of just want to find out what it was like to date Al Pacino)

 Game of Thrones – George R. R. Martin (Don’t hate, appreciate)

The Boleyn Inheritance – Philippa Gregory (Did someone say Boleyn? All over it)

Palo Alto – James Franco (Did someone say James Franco? All over it)

Tell-All – Chuck Palahniuk (Another Borders find. Also, I like Palahniuk)

Rhett Butler’s People – Donald McCaig (Mama Scales got this for me. I’m a DIEHARD Rhett Butler fan. Of course I need to read about his people)

She Walks in Beauty  – Siri Mitchell (Another Mama Scales gift. New York City’s Gilded Age? HELLO. Mama Scales knows her daughter)

Not pictured: Naked Lunch – William Burroughs (Remember how I said I was going to read this last year? Well, I didn’t)

Wish me luck!

Also, if you feel so inclined, tell me what you’re reading! Gimme some recs! Yay! Reading!

I peed on a church last year.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TIME.

Some people are happy to see 2011 get outta here. Some had a great 2011 and hope that 2012 will be just as awesome. Others (myself included) feel kinda neutral about it. 2011 wasn’t horrible for me. It also wasn’t super crazy mega fabulous, either. Every year has it’s ups and downs, sometimes with more downs than usual. I think it’s, like, too cool that every person has a different outlook on their year…their life…their EXISTENCE. Holy shit things just got deep.

Anyway. Yeah, you read the title of this post correctly. I peed on a church this past Halloween. I was a flapper and the Chinese restaurant had their bathrooms barricaded with trash cans. BARRICADED. There were people all over the place and I couldn’t get inside ANYWHERE. So yeah. My friend was like, “Let’s walk up behind the street and maybe find somewhere you can go where no one can see you.” I was desperate. Oh look! Some bushes! Parfait!

So there I was popping a squat next to this beautiful brick building when I look up and realize that the bushes only cover the left side of my body. The right side of my body is wiiiiide open spaaaces. Somehow this doesn’t phase me, so I carry on. I hear a voice. A voice that is not my friend. It’s a male voice. SHIT. It’s a guy dressed up as a doctor. Doctors see everything, though, ya know? They see things that are way more degrading than a flapper girl taking a piss by a bush. Plus, he’s talking on his cell phone, so he’s distracted. Must be a patient of his or something. Hope everything’s alright. Okay, he’s gone. Hot damn, it is taking me forever to pee. Shouldn’t have had so much “water” to drink before heading out. Should’ve had the wherewithal to go BEFORE leaving. Okay, done. Let’s get back to the festivities. Hey, look at that sign! “Something something Baptist Church!” How quaint!

Wait a minute…waiiiiit just a minute. So not only was I indecently exposed, but I had just URINATED ON A PLACE OF WORSHIP??? ON HALLOWEEN???

Here’s hoping God understands that when you gotta go, you gotta go.

Here’s hoping that you live and you learn.

Here’s hoping that we all have a kick-ass 2012.