I like the side dishes more than the actual turkey.

Hey all you beautiful people! Hope you had a fab Thanksgiving. I know I sure as hell did.

Now, I’m sitting here watching David Letterman and being all confused because I thought it was Saturday and that SNL was coming on, but then I realized that I was on the wrong channel and that it’s Friday. Mark Harmon is the guest right now and he’s wearing a lot of makeup, but his suit is nice.

I don’t really have anything important to say, I just felt like I needed to stop by and say something. Now you’re disappointed. Or I hope you are, anyway.

A lot of bloggers are doing “What I’m Thankful For” posts, so I guess I’ll go that route.

I’m thankful for Mark Harmon and his cover of Cowboy and Indians magazine. I’m thankful for my awesome family and the game “Who Stole Tom Turkey?” I’m thankful for my crazy/beautiful friends who put up with my non-stop worrying and overall weirdness. I’m thankful for my new cat, Margaret Mitchell (“Maggie”), and her pretty blonde hair. I’m also thankful for Jolly Rancher fruit chews, Apple Care Protection Plans, Ryan Gosling, blankets, lipstick, music, my job, the Internet, and washing machines.

Now, Mike Judge is the guest. He’s wearing a purple silk shirt with a velour blazer. Whatever. Who am I to Judge?




I Need:

  • Adam Scott delivered to my door. (Preferably wearing his Party Down uniform)
  • More than two seasons of Party Down, for that matter.
  • To stop taking three hour naps on Sundays, resulting in me being wide awake at 2 a.m. trying to decide if my bangs are cut evenly or not, resulting in me butchering my bangs, resulting in a horrible work week because my sleep schedule is just SO OFF and I can’t even have good hair while being in a bitchy mood.
  • A hobby.
  • To eat better. I  had a bag of Gold-n-Chees (no ‘e’) crackers for lunch today. BUT, at only 55 cents a pop, I am saving money. So yeah, scratch that need.
  • It to feel like November outside. IT WAS 75 DEGREES TODAY. SEVENTY. FIVE. I need my winter layers. I need the sense of comfort I feel knowing that I can become a human cocoon for a few months. North Carolina weather sux.
  • To be a more positive person.
  • Love. You need love. We all really need love. And for *NSYNC to make a comeback.
  • Adam Scott to be delivered to my door. (This time maybe he can be all bearded and moody like he is in that movie The Vicious Kind. Not that great of a movie, though)
  • To stop obsessing over celebrities.
  • To retract that last need. Who are we kidding, ya know? HAHA LOLZ. For real, though, look at this video of Matthew Gray Gubler being totally adorbz and saying that he likes whiskey and London and I’m all…I like whiskey and London, even though I’ve never been to London but I have a book about London and I want to visit one day! I would totally go brunette for you, Matthew. Lets go to London together.
  • To finally watch Twin Peaks. Everybody’s like…yeah this show is so great. David Lynch is a frickin genius, dawg. Or something or other.
  • To find a way to make some quick cash. I’m not above turning a few tricks for some bills. JUST KIDDING. GAWD.
  • A productive way to spend my time. Meaning, I need to stop wasting my precious hours on tumblr. But I just love tumblr so much. It has so many funny things and pretty things and nice things. It fuels my pop culture fire.
  • A better moisturizer for my face. I put mine on and then five minutes later my face is all tight and dry again. IS MY SKIN TYPE CHANGING AM I GETTING OLD I THINK I SAW A WRINKLE THIS MORNING. But on the real, should I start an anti-aging regimen? I’m serious.
  • To not read articles titled “George Clooney considered suicide after painful Syriana injury.” Why, George? Why? Don’t worry me so. Tell me how you feel, though, I can take it.
  • To stop worrying.
  • Lots of things.

5 Things I Want You to Watch Instantly on Netflix

1. Bo Burnham: Words Words Words

Nothing gets this girl going like some good word play, and Bo Burnham is the Pun Master Supreme. He’s so clever I want to make love to his brain. Yeah. It’s that serious.

2. Before Sunrise

A guy (totally dreamy 90’s Ethan Hawke) and a girl meet on a train. They spend the day walking around Vienna before the guy has to take a plane back to America. This movie is purely dialogue-based, which I think is fantastic. Did I mention the guy is a totally dreamy 90’s Ethan Hawke? Did I mention they’re in Vienna? Did I mention you’re left with so many questions at the end? Do they ever see each other again? How? Why? What is life? What is fate? Lucky for us, there’s a sequel to answer at least one of these questions. Before Sunset. I’m serious and I recommend the hell out of it, too.

3. The Walking Dead

I know you’re like shut up about this show already, but I want you to watch it. I want you to watch it right now. I want you to watch it on some sketchy third-party website if you don’t have Netflix. I want you to watch it because it has that dude from Love Actually in it. You know, the one who holds up the poster telling Keira Knightley she’s perfect or whatever, even though we all know that Keira Knightley is not perfect and needs to eat a Big Mac or something. I want you to watch it for me, for my sake. For Keira’s androgynous body’s sake.

4. My So-Called Life

Angela Chase is the most relatable character to ever exist in the history of ever. Also, Jordan Catalano and his, like, band, or whatever, like, Frozen Embryos, like, yeah, we’re playing over at Tino’s tonight and, like, yeah you should stop by or whatever. Also, flannels everywhere! Flannels around the waist. Flannels over a t-shirt. Flannels hanging limply over shoulders. NINETIES. FLANNELS.

5. The Human Experience

This documentary is heartwarming, heartbreaking, inspiring, and reminds you that life’s not about the destination, but about the experience, mayyyne. Anything else I say won’t do it justice, so here’s a synopsis: “…the story of a band of brothers who travel the world in search of the answers to the burning questions: Who am I? Who is Man? Why do we search for meaning? Their journey brings them into the middle of the lives of the homeless on the streets of New York City, the orphans and disabled children of Peru, and the abandoned lepers in the forests of Ghana, Africa. What the young men discover changes them forever. Through one on one interviews and real life encounters, the brothers are awakened to the beauty of the human person and the resilience of the human spirit.” I have the emotional range of a turtle, yet major waterworks ensued both during and after watching this. PLEASE WATCH IT.

Now, go forth my children. The Netflix gods have cast these programs down upon you. Do not squander this opportunity.