5 Things I’ve Learned Since Graduating

I graduated back in May*. Here’s what I’ve learned:

1. Job hunting blows. You go on these seemingly harmless websites looking for a simple “Data Entry Clerk” job and next thing you know you’re getting a shit ton of emails telling you that (Insert company name here) wants you! Sure they want you, along with every other poor soul who gave them their email address. (Snagajob, I’m looking at you)

2.  Being unemployed blows. Getting to sleep in until 1 o’clock because you were up all night watching The Vampire Diaries sounds great in theory, right? WRONG. After awhile you start questioning your self-worth and your ability to speak coherently. You start asking yourself questions like, WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE? CIRCLE OF LIFE? WHERE IS MY PLACE IN THE FABRIC OF TIME? You also have to eat a pb&j for every meal, which gets old real fast.

3. You WILL find a job! And it will be the greatest moment of your life. Your weekly paycheck will be a beacon of hope in the dark, dark, world you’ve been living in. Now, you can be really irresponsible with your money and go on crazy spending sprees in Target because you feel like that kid in the movie Blank Check. Look at all the hair and beauty products you can buy! Maybe you’ll spend a couple hundred bucks on some shitty highlights!

4. A 9 to 5 schedule has it’s perks. Sometimes your days will drag on so slowly that you think you might die. You stare blankly at your computer screen and see what kinds of cool shapes you can make with a paperclip. BUT, when 5 o’clock rolls around you feel SO FREE. No more papers to write at two in the morning, no more group projects to stress over (ain’t that right Bhines?), and no more walking to class in the cold and/or rain. This feeling is multiplied by 5,000 on Fridays and 10,000 before major holidays.

5. Que Sera Sera. What will be, will be!!!!!! This is the most important thing. You might get a job right out of the gate. You might go through three agonizing months of applications and interviews before you land a j-o-b. It’s taken me 7 months to realize that whatever happens, happens. THE WORLD IS YOUR OYSTER. Go prosper yourselves and stuff.

*What’s the statute of limitations on being able to say “I just graduated”?