Make like Usher, Make a Confession.

Deep breath. Confession time. Actually it’s not even a confession, really. More like a “Hey, here’s something that you don’t know about me that I feel the burning need to tell you because I haven’t blogged in awhile” kind of thing. Ya know, because you care.

Anyway,  I FREAKIN LOVE WEDGWOOD CHINA. I want to shout it from the mountaintops I love it so much. The other day I spent, like, two whole hours on their site. Just looking at all the dinner plates, flatware, decanters, and highball glasses. Visions of domesticated bliss dancing through my head.

I can see it now: Me and my husband Biff sitting by the fire, our cocker spaniel Toto at our feet, sharing a nice glass of well-aged scotch. Discussing how well little Emily is doing with her piano and how Biff Jr. (we just call him Jr., usually) is shaping up to be quite the lacrosse player.

 

 

Advertisements

Dear Neighbor,

I know you have had, like, SUCH a drama-filled day, but would you please keep it down?

I know Spencer didn’t invite you to Starbucks today (OH THE HORROR), but get over it.

I know you want the world to know what a lovely laugh you have, but honey, you are not surrounded by the hyenas that you emulate.

I know you like to put your friend on speakerphone so you can paint your nails while discussing how you would pee yourself because ‘that’ would be, like, soooo funny, but ARE YOU DEAF?

I can hear your entire conversation! Are you talking directly into our shared wall…with a freakin megaphone???

I would really really appreciate it if you could just not laugh or talk on the phone in the future.

Thanks, like, soooo much gurrrl!

LYLAS,

-Your (painstakingly quiet) neighbor

Quotes From My Dentist

So I got to start my fall break off right with a nice trip to the dentist this morning! I love going to the dentist! I love when the dental hygienist tries to have a conversation with me (about her son who goes to the same school as me) while she’s scraping my teeth off! Whenever I think of what heaven must be like, I imagine it as a big dentist office, complete with drills and flouride and posters from 1980 about how to properly floss!

Hark! The Herald Angels Sing!


Anyway. I went to the dentist. Or I guess I should say dentists. You see, its a husband and wife. A dynamic duo, if you will.

Well, the husband is famous in our family for saying creepy things to us women folk. Just off the top of my head, here are some things he has said to me:

Him: “You’re very tall.”

Me: “Hah, yeahhh.”

Him: “I have a phrase for tall people.”

Me: “Oh yeah?”

Him: “Tall is beautiful.”

“I’ve always known you had some hazel in your eyes, but wow! They just pop today!”

“You have a very highly evolved mouth.”

“You may not have red hair like your mom, but in this light it’s just as pretty.”

(When talking about traveling and how I should travel after college): “Now I am very experienced with traveling. If you ever have any questions I would be more than happy to sit down with you sometime and talk about it.”

I can’t make this stuff up.