– I dreamt that Marilyn Manson was tattooing my shoulder but he had to pause midway to go photograph my friend’s wedding.
– Someone tried to hug me and I didn’t want them to and by one time I mean all the times. (Maybe not all the times)
– I cried while listening to a P!nk song and it sent me into a dark spiral of sadness, confusion, and ultimately, shame.
– When I was four, I decided to run away from home, so I put the slip I used to wear under my church dresses into a brown suitcase and went to the edge of my backyard and then I stopped because I was scared.
– I found a turtle and decided that he needed to be fed, so I put him in one of my mom’s hanging baskets and hung him on a tree branch so he wouldn’t leave while I went inside to get food. When I came back outside, he was gone and I think I made a turtle commit suicide or something idk.
– I was trimming my bangs and I accidentally cut some of my eyelashes off and isn’t it so weird how they GREW BACK LIKE WHEN DO THEY GROW AND HOW DO WE JUST NOT NOTICE THIS IS HAPPENING HOW DO WE NOT SEE IT?
– I thought that “All twerk and no play makes Jack a trill boy” was an original thought and I got super excited about tweeting it until I googled it, saw that it was not an original thought, and remembered that the universe is vast and complex and owes us nothing.
– I decided to give up soda and I lasted three hours before I began murdering innocents.
– I placed my hand directly on a hot burner because the burner looked sideways and I wanted to fix it, but I forgot it was turned on and then I screamed because it hurt. That was this morning. I am an adult woman and hey, they don’t call it a “burner” for nothing, amirite???