I want to take a bath, damn it.

You ever have that internal battle with yourself to decide if you want to take a bath or not?

You fantasize about a really great bath experience. Candles. Aromatherapy. Bath salts and powders and oils. All that shit. Lavender. Everywhere.

Your hair piled up on top of your head but with some of it slipping out the back because your hair isn’t quite long enough to be put up that high. Your tiny shoebox of a bathroom is steamy as fuck and you can’t see anything but you can’t wait to get out and swipe your mirror with your hand and pretend you’re in the opening sequence of some 80’s John Hughes movie where The Psychedelic Furs are playing in the background while you dance around being all excited because you might see Jake Ryan or Judd Nelson in the hallway today.

Maybe you’re listening to music. Maybe you’re not. If you are listening to music it’s probably the soundtrack to The Graduate because you just watched that movie the other night and Simon and Garfunkel be mellow as hell and weren’t Anne Bancroft’s highlights and outfits just so effing perfect like OMG.

You’re having such a wonderful time you don’t even notice that the tub is too short for your body and no matter how you position yourself, some part of you will not be submerged in that delightfully scented water. Lavender. So much lavender. LAVENDAHHHH. You don’t even care. Nothing can ruin this for you. It’s just you and maybe the slices of cucumber that miraculously found their way to your eyes.


In reality, you lack the patience to even wait for the tub to fill up. You have no lavender. None. Your knees will be really freaking cold. You’d rather dip those slices of cucumber in some ranch dressing. JAKE RYAN ISN’T REAL.

This isn’t like a metaphor or anything. I just really want to take a bath right now…kind of.


4 thoughts on “I want to take a bath, damn it.

  1. Totes agree. Baths are always so brilliant in my imagination, but I never follow through in reality. Honestly, now that I think about it, I don’t think I’ve taken a bath since high school.

    Fab post!

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