I don’t know what it is or where it came from, but I’ve suddenly got it into my head that I want to date an older man. How old? I’m not sure. How old is too old? I’m thinking maybe a George Clooney old. Not that I think I could ever find myself a George Clooney. I’d totally take maybe a Colin Firth or a Gary Oldman, though. God yes, I love Gary Oldman. OLDman.
You see, I feel like an older man would at least kind of have his shit together. Besides the obvious mid-life crisis thing he’d def have going on. But that I can handle. Because that is the exact reason a man in his late 40s to mid-50s would even date a 23 year old. And he’d obviously have to be loaded. If I’m going to do this I’m going to do it right. Not with some man who still drives the mini-van his wife left him after the divorce. No way.
Also important to point out in this mantique fantasy of mine is that I would probably not love him. I would probably not fall in love with him. This is a one to two years (tops) kind of sitch, ya feel me?
I would mostly just like for him to be charming and mature and take me to interesting places and lavish me with Agent Provacateur lingerie and macaroons imported from France. (If you think trading my body for a silk corset and some thigh highs is gross then I need you to go look at some AP lingerie and tell me you wouldn’t do the same. I mean, come on. Get real)
But then I’m like oh no, what if it turns out like Carrie and The Russian on SATC and I move with him to Paris and then he ignores me the whole time because he’s preparing for his big art exhibition or whatever and then I feel really out of place and everyone’s mean to me because are French people mean? I DON’T SPEAK THE LANGUAGE. WHY ARE YOU TALKING SO FAST??? I MISS MY FRIENDS.
How does one even go about finding this kind of man? Should I put an ad out in the paper? ‘Poor 23 Year Old Woman Seeking Rich Old Dude – Not an Anna Nicole Smith Situation – Like, Please Don’t be Dying or Anything – Be Very Much Alive and Have Lots of Frequent Flyer Miles. Okay. Thx’
What about you guys? Would you ever go silver fox hunting? Tell me that doesn’t sound mad hot, right? Right? Yeahhh.