Before I get into this, I need to tell you guys that I had a revelation last night while listening to Destiny’s Child. You know when they’re like “Say my name, say my name, if no one is around you, say baby I love you?” Well, I always thought they were saying “when no one is around you” and I was all confused because if no one is around to hear him say your name, then did he really say it at all? Think about it.
Anyway. I’ve got a couple of questions to tackle here about how we as a species need to stop falling in love or lust or like with anyone because that is just the best way to prevent heartache/heartbreak/debt/general sadness/overeating. I’m just kidding. Love and lust and like are all totally cool things. Yeah.
First question I received anonymously (ooh ahhh mysteryyyy)
“Why do I always end up pining after someone who doesn’t like me? And even though I’m not really pursuing it, I still have this nagging feeling about him. And if he was attracted to me wouldn’t he have done something about it by now?”
Okay, Miss Piney, these are very dangerous questions to ask yourself because they will inevitably turn into “What’s wrong with me?” or “Why am I not good enough?” questions. And those are just total downers and only serve to make you feel insecure. I think we’ve all been in this situation, though, and I believe this is the part where I’m supposed to say that you don’t need a man and you’re awesome and beautiful and smart and funny and all that other stuff I need to say here, but you know all that already. Girls rule, boys drool.
But something else these questions do is put the dude in the driver’s seat. If a guy likes you, he’s supposed to let you know it, right? He’s just not that into you if he’s not asking you out, right? Right and right…sort of. I guess if a guy wants to see you, he’s going to try to see you. But maybe he’s nervous or shy or not sure how you’re feeling. I’m not saying you need to follow him around like a puppy dog in the hopes that you will tickle his fancy. I’m saying just keep doing you thing and he’ll keep doing his thing and if your things are meant to come together (wink wink) then they will.
I was watching The City last night and I’m going to tell you what Diane Von Furstenberg told Whitney (paraphrased, duh). “The first relationship you have in life is with yourself. And no matter who you are with, at the end of the day that’s who you come home to. Yourself.” Preach it, DVF! (Yeah, I’m stuck in 2009 MTV land).
Whatever will be, will be, gurrrrrl. Do like that Adam Sandler movie and just go with it. Except maybe not really because the last time he released anything good was The Wedding Singer. Agh, nevermind. You know what I mean. ❤
Next, from the lovely Christina Wolfgram:
I have a triple threat for you: The most current love of my life recently dumped me out of the blue. I am in grad school. All I want to do is shop. How would you recommend getting through this identity crisis without spending all of my rent money while also pursuing Who I Want To Be?
Some days I feel like I have a handle on it and others I only have a handle of vodka. I’d love to hear your insights! Cool idea for blogging, by the way.
Girlfriend, you just asked all of the million dollar questions. All of them. All. First, keep the handle of vodka around and maybe listen to Handel, too (LOLZ sorry I’m out of control).
Shopping and alchohol are always my go-tos for every problem ever, so I (and I’m sure many others) can relate to this so hard. Shopping provides us with a distraction. Shopping gives us things that will momentarily fill a void. Shopping is really fucking fun. Alcohol does all of those things, too, and makes everything hazy and soft. Beware the ultimate danger zone: shopping while intoxicated. It happens. And it is deadly.
But these are just temporary solutions and leave you with a hangover and barely enough money to go to McDonald’s to alleviate it. And then you’re basically left where you started, asking yourself where your life is going and why things happened the way they did. The universe has thrown you a curveball (ugh that’s so cheesy) and that’s okay.
My advice is to do three things:
First, wallow in your misery/confusion/whatever it is you’re feeling right now. Just roll around in it. Wrap yourself in it like a little baby burrito. I don’t know why it’s a baby burrito, but they just seem really cute idk. Don’t do this for too long, though, or you might become a hoarder and we’re having to have interventions and it’s just a big mess. Get it all out of your system. I’m sure it’ll come creeping back later, but for now it’s at bay.
Next, try to distract yourself with things that don’t cost money. That’s actually impossible, never mind. Distract yourself with things that don’t cost too much money and will enrich your life! Go see movies where people are stabbing other people. Go to an art museum and stand in front of one painting for like thirty minutes and then when someone comes up to you and asks if you’re okay, start cackling like the Wicked Witch of the West and say “Are you okay? hahaaaahahahahahhahaaaa.” Read books. Write. Do cartwheels or yoga or watch the entire first season of Kimora: Life in the Fab Lane (it’s on Netflix). These are all great because they take your mind off things, but don’t leave you feeling guilty afterwards. Your bank account and body are like oh hell yeah to that.
Finally, you can focus on that big question. Who do you want to be? And how can you become that person? And instead of feeling like it’s dreaded and overwhelming, you can be excited about it! Because you, and not the circumstances you’re in, have control over your life.
All of this is totally easy for me to say as an outsider, but hopefully it helps! 🙂