4 Romance Movies That Are Depressing As F*ck

Before you dig into this post, I should say that I really enjoyed all of these movies and it’s probably going to sound like I’m bashing them, but I’m not. I’m just in a mooooood, you guys, so get ready. What I’m saying is, don’t feel like you need to be like, “Hillary, love is a many-splendored thing. What’s your glitch?” Also, none of that Nicholas Sparks shit is on here.

Love Story

JESUS this movie. It kills me softly. I can’t tell if I love it because of Ali MacGraw’s awesome 1970s wardrobe or because the banter is effing fantastic or because it makes me want to poison myself. I’m a sucker for those “opposite sides of the track” love stories and that’s exactly what this is. Sigh….but then tragedy has to strike and you’re left questioning everything in your life and you’re just like WHAT’S THE POINT. But I mean, young Ryan O’Neal is so damn dreamy you should just watch it because of that. Oh, and whenever you’re feeling down and want to roll around in your misery for a few minutes (no longer, okay?), listen to the theme song from this flick. You’ve probably heard it before. It’s like the most famous song from a movie score ever (not really). When it gets to the part where the music swells, you should cry out, “WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY????” and then you’ll feel calm and everything will be fine again. Works every time.

Like Crazy

This is probably my favorite from this list. Mostly because the dialogue is great and I read that most of it was improvised which is way kewl. If you’re not into the whole indie-romance scene then you’ll hate this because it’s pretty much the epitome of that genre. It was cute without being too lovey dovey and I hate too lovey dovey. Come to think of it, it was actually kinda lovey dovey, so maybe I do like lovey dovey. I’m confused. And then the girl was a stupid idiot and didn’t abide by her country’s visa laws and there was all this drama and it ends with you not even knowing what’s going to happen to these guys because people change and blah blah blah. This dude builds her a freaking chair. A CHAIR.

Blue Valentine

I went to see this movie by myself. It was just me, this other lady, and the oral sex scene in the theater. I’m actually glad that I didn’t go see this with anyone because it propelled me into a despair that can only be experienced when one is alone with one’s self or whatever. Great movie. Great acting. But it’s such a fucking downer. Don’t go into this feeling like you’re going to come soaring out on wings of happiness and hope. This came out in February a.k.a. the worst, most depressing month of the year. Not because boohoo you’re single on Valentine’s Day, but because February is a worthless month that no one needs. We’re all just over this month, already. We’re ready for Winter to be over and for Spring to kick it’s ass into gear. What I’m saying is, this movie came out in the perfect month.

500 Days of Summer

Right when this movie comes on, it tells you that it isn’t a love story. And the audience is all, “Yeah, right. Shut up, dude.” I have a love/hate relationship with this flick. On the one hand it’s super charming and smart and Joseph Gordon-Levitt is the cutest with his crinkly-eyed smile and ugh why does he have to exist in the world with his adorableness? On the other hand, it makes me feel confused because even though I might not like how it ends, I know that ends the way it should end, ya know what I mean? It’s not your clean-cut rom com ending. It’s still hopeful, mind you, but not what you necessarily want to happen. And can we please all stop with the Summer bashing? I actually like her character. What we need to be hating on is how Tom puts her up on the unrealistic pedestal, setting himself up for inevitable heartbreak. Moral of the story: Don’t put your significant other up on a pedestal. Unless they’re Joseph Gordon-Levitt ’cause he’s cool as hell. So yeah, this one isn’t really depressing as much as it is…disappointing I guess.

Make love not war or something idk, you guys.

Did I miss any? What are your favorite sad romances? And if you say ‘The Notebook’ I’m going to kindly ask you leave the premises.

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10 thoughts on “4 Romance Movies That Are Depressing As F*ck

  1. I have such a love/hate relationship with 500 Days of Summer. Like, you know you should hate the manic pixie dream girl thing Zooey does so well, but you just…can’t stop watching, again and again. Loved this!

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