1. Re-organize something. Last night I ripped my wall organizer down, dumped everything onto my floor, rolled around in the mess, and then threw it all away. I don’t need you, Dryel coupon that expired in November! Be gone from my life!
2. Look up the lyrics to every song that ever existed ever. I do this because I’m bored and also because I’m the asshole that tells you when you’re singing something wrong.
3. TUMBLR. Look at that cat hugging that dog! Reblog. Look at that really hot celebrity! Reblog. Look at that tamagotchi! Remember those? OMG I so had one of those! Memories! Childhood! Reblog.
4. Make a list of all the cool things you’d like to do. Anything seems possible at 3 a.m., which is why my most recent addition is “Circumnavigate the globe…on foot.”
5. Read a magazine. Did you know that Marie Claire has deemed this “the year of the vagina?” It’s true because of all these shows featuring funny females. Thank God for TV shows or else no one would know that women can be funny……(I do adore New Girl, though)
6. Read a book. I usually last for maybe 4 pages and then my neck starts to hurt and I’m so over it. I love to read, but only when I have something else that needs to be done. I never have anything else to do anymore, so I never read.
7. Netflix. There are some real gems here if you’re willing to dig for them. Honestly, what ends up happening is I spend more time trying to find something to watch than I do actually watching something. Sure, I’ll add that to my queue but I’m just not “in the mood” for that kind of thing right now. Everything that goes in my queue dies in my queue and is forgotten for all eternity. Just watch Arrested Development instead.
8. Facebook/Twitter. I shudder to even include these because there’s really nothing for anyone there. But if you insist, I’d suggest you look at graffiti that you drew back when that was the cool thing to do, look at the profile pictures of some girl you went to preschool with and discover that she has a couple of kids, and then analyze your own facebook to the point that you hate everything about facebook and think about deleting it but then you’re like, “Nahhhh.”
9. Listen to music. I don’t mean just have it playing in the background while you’re looking at someone’s SpRiNg BrEaK album from 2008. I mean, listen to it for the sake of listening to it. I recommend something super melancholic, like Radiohead or Fiona Apple. Nothing makes me feel good about myself quite like a little Karma Police or O’Sailor in the early morning hours. Am I sad because I listen to Radiohead or do I listen to Radiohead because I’m sad? Psht. I’m not sad, I’m TIRED AS HELL.
10. I lied about there being 10 things. GO TO SLEEP ALREADY.