I am the type of person that can park it on the couch for 8 hours while watching a Metal Evolution marathon on VH1 Classic. I am also the type of person that feels the need to google the shit out of everything. What does this mean? This means that last Saturday, I spent more time than I would like to admit watching Marilyn Manson interviews on youtube and discovering that he dated Evan freakin Rachel Wood (plus Rose McGowan plus Dita Von Teese). What does this mean? This means that I suddenly find myself admiring Marilyn Manson. Not in the same way that I admire Michael Fassbender or tattooed guys holding cats, but in the way that I admire a professor that I like to hear speak, but am scared to death will call on me.
I just had to find out why these total bombshells would see this dude and be like, “Hey boi lemme get atchu.”
Evan Rachel Wood was in one of his music videos about heart shaped glasses or something and then they had sex while blood poured all over them. Since E.R.W. was only 19 at the time, I’m thinking this was some type of rebellion thing, which I totally get. Except my idea of being rebellious involves refusing to pay back my student loans and hiding from the government for the rest of my life.
Dita Von Teese is no surprise to me. She has her own brand of freak show going on, so why wouldn’t those two click? (This search led me down a whole other cyber-road where I found myself being really pissed off that her fragrance isn’t sold in the U.S. Why should I care? I don’t know).
As for Rose McGowan, I’m not really sure. All I know is that she wore that “dress” once that just looked like she’d draped herself in bicycle chains and everyone was like “Gasp! Naked flesh!” But I mean, if I had an ass like that I would probably do the same. Actually, I probably wouldn’t. Another thing I know is that this lady who cut my hair once said that I look like her. I don’t see it, but I still cling to it so hard that my knuckles are white.
ANYWAY THE POINT IS, I think I’ve cracked the code. After watching this interview from the O’Reilly Factor, I knew. This dude’s sharp. Weird as hell, but super articulate and funny. He’s definitely got a bit of a chip on his shoulder, but I guess if you can look past that and the bizarre get-up, he’s an alright fella. Too bad his music sucks, thus keeping him off my radar. Rest easy, parental unit. The strangest guy I’ll be bringing to Christmas dinner will probably just have an unhealthy amount of flannel shirts and a penchant for smoking pipe tobacco.