That Age

Guys, I feel something coming on. Something’s creeping in. It’s my age. And don’t you go and be all “You’re only 22! You’re so young! You are but a young flower, my child!”

What I’m trying to say is that I feel like 22 is too young to have to worry about certain things.

I texted a friend today, telling her that I met a cutie at work. Tall, dark, probably in his late 20s. And then she asked me that inevitable question. That question that I will probably have to ask myself many more times in the near future. Is he married?

And then I got to thinking…would I want to be married right now if I could be? My friends are going to start getting married soon. I can’t be the last one to get married. Then I’ll become their “single friend.” They’ll send me pity invites when they have a pool party/barbecue. Of course I’ll bring a side dish! Maybe a nice fruit salad. The salt from my bitter tears will keep it fresh!

What is married? Marriage? Love and marriage? Married with Children? Al Bundy*? What is happening?

Sure, I think about my wedding. I know what I want, where I want it, and…how I want it? I don’t know. I just know I want it….at some point. Just not anytime soon. I have shit I need to do. Places to go, people to see. At least, I think I do. I like having the option to be free is what I’m saying. I won’t even commit to getting lunch until an hour beforehand. “Hey Hillary, you wanna get some frozen yogurt tonight?” “Ehhhhh maybe. Probably. I don’t know. Maybe. We’ll see.” And the thing is, I never have anything else going on that keeps me from getting the fro-yo. I just hate having obligations. Or worse, being obligated TO someone or something. I know I know, life is full of obligations and responsibilities. Life is one big obligation. And I’m sitting here thinking, if I can’t even say for sure that I want to get fro-yo with someone for an hour or so, how am I going to say for sure that I want to SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE getting fro-yo with someone? That’s a whole lotta fro-yo, yo.

Here’s the part where you tell me that when you lurrrrve someone you want to spend all your time getting fro-yo with each other. And the fro-yo becomes a symbol of trust and admiration. The fro-yo is what holds it all together. There will be a fro-yo bar at the wedding.

Unlimited toppings.


*I had originally written Ted Bundy, but then I realized that Ted Bundy is a serial killer. Who all watches Criminal Minds say “Yeah!” Speaking of Criminal Minds, here’s a gratuitous picture of Matthew Gray Gubler and a gun.



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