Wardrobe staples for the young, hip, fresh shooting-some-bball-outside-the-school, cool, twenty-something and having a quarterlife crisis girl:
- A short, tight, black skirt that makes your ass look a little Kim Kardashian-esque, but that’s alright because don’t we all just want to be her? I do anyway. If you say you don’t then you’re off your rocker. Just kidding! We all want to be who we want to be. No judgement here.
- Skinny jeans. And make ’em dark. No one wears light denim out on the town or up in da club.
- Some type of flowy, possibly racerback, tank top that you can wear with your skinnies or maybe tucked into your bootylicious black skirt.
- PATTERNS. Gimme some zigzags or paisley or hell, even polka dots. Liven those dresses up, ladies. But don’t mix and match patterns. You can’t do it like Glamour mag says you can. (“Just stick to the same color pallette,” they tell us. “WHATEVER,” I say!)
- A dress that says you’re a lady, not a vamp. A vixen, not a tramp. What I’m trying to say is that you should dress like a slut, but don’t act like one. You’re an enigma!
- Big hoop earrings that make you look like you’re from the Bronx and could hold your own with the real housewives of New Jersey (only if push comes to shove – stay classy, okay?) And they should be gold, not silver.
- Black heeled boots (for Winter) or nude stripper heels (for Summer) – the boots will make you seem like a sexy snow bunny in the nighttime and the nude stripper heels will make it look like you don’t have any shoes on! These will elongate your legs, so they say. (Side note: I never wear either of these because I’m awkward enough without teetering on my weak ankles all night)
- And last, but not least, an award-winning smile! Don’t do like me and have an expression showing sheer hatred for the world combined with extreme boredom. Be approachable. Open your arms. Love the world. Peace and joy.
While I’ve got you over here, I want to tell you that I have a tumblr now. I was bored one night and made one. Mostly because tumblr is full of people just as obsessed with Jon Hamm (and Michael Fassbender, lately) as I am. It’s a beautiful thing.