1. Have a powerful career that will make you simply irresistible to sexy, stubborn studs. Examples include (but are not limited to): Detective, Fashion Designer, Corporate executive, and Entrepreneur.
2. If you don’t have one of these careers, be a a single mom. Bonus points if you’re struggling to get by and have some kind of hobby like making pottery. You should probably want to open up your own do-it-yourself pottery place extravaganza attached to your house because you live in some hicktown on the edge of civilization . You should have no time for romance. Love is last thing on your mind.
3. Have some type of disaster or emergency which will bring you in contact with a private detective, cop, or arson investigator.
4. THE ODDS WILL ALWAYS BE AGAINST THE FORMATION OF YOUR ROMANCE. These odds will be totally ridiculous. And the man will say something like, “But I’m just not good enough for a high-falutin’ female like you, sweet cheeks.”
5. Realize that love conquers all. And then the music will swell and everyone’s crying and cheering because isn’t love just so grand?
6. It only takes up to 3 months (or 250 pages) for your love to blossom. (Which is really awesome. I mean, it takes me that long just to get up the nerve to make decent eye contact. MAD PROPS)
7. You will most likely get pregnant in the beginning or the end of your love affair. (I’m more partial to the end, if I have to choose. We all know that babies kill the romance, y’all. Actually, I don’t know that for a fact, but I’m pretty sure I read that once in a Redbook mag at the doc’s office)
8. Men love silk. If you don’t wear silk nighties AND have silk sheets, men will never love you. Just accept it, don’t fight it.
9. Have fiery red, sultry brunette, or honey blonde hair. None of these in-between shades, girls. Again, just accept it. And as for eye color, you better have eyes deeper than the deepest sea, or like emeralds brought to life with the intensity of a thousand suns.
10. Be a bitch. Remember, men love a challenge. Call them a jerk a few times. Be difficult. It won’t phase them. They’ll always come back begging for your affections. Muahahahaha
Oh wait! One more for good measure. Have an incredibly uncommon name (or nickname), like Althea or Moira. The harder to pronounce, the better. Men love it when you have a name that just rolls off of their tongue like some exotic fruit juice.