Somehow this became all about 16 and Pregnant

I’m back.

So…I decided to come home for a week and let me tell you it’s like a time warp or something. I find myself doing the same things I did during my carefree summers of yesteryear(s); Sleeping in until 12, watching MTV all day long, eating everything in sight (seriously I just ate a shitload of dill pickles and carrots dipped in thousand island dressing. Who does that?), not bathing, not brushing my teeth, just being so unbearably lazy. Except now, I feel so guilty about it. I have no job lined up. No internshi HOLD UP a commercial just came on for the “Mighty Wallet.” IS THAT THING FOR REAL? “It’s not a paper wallet,” they say. It’s a mighty wallet. Look! We can pour a bucket of water in this thing and even though your money is now a soggy mess, your wallet sure as hell isn’t! Yay!

Sorry, let me get back to complaining. Wait, one more thing. This woman on 16 and pregnant just said that Cleondra should name her kid Twilight. Say whhhaaaa? We shall name her Twilight. Because she possesses the dark, serene beauty of a twilit night.

HER MOM WAS TOO SQUEAMISH TO BE IN THE DELIVERY ROOM WITH HER. That is so sad. Mom, if you’re reading this, I want you to know that you better be in the delivery room with me when I have my (4 or 5) children. I won’t be having them all at once (hopefully). But by the fifth one you and I will be used to it (hopefully).

Anyway, I’ve applied for some jobs but I hate waiting. It’s so hard to be patient when your bank account is dwindling and you have to be like “Ok, do I want to pay for food or cable?” That’s a tough decision for me you guys. I love me some tv.

Moral of this post: Don’t watch MTV unless you want to feel all teen angst-y again. Seriously, I’m on the verge of going down to my room so I can stare at the ceiling wondering WHAT IT ALL MEANS?

I’ve actually never stopped doing that.  WILL I EVER ESCAPE THIS EXISTENTIAL CRISIS? Speaking of existential crises, I’m planning a post on movies about that very thing. I welcome any recommendations.

Hope you missed me while I was gone. Or that you at least kind of noticed my absence. Or you didn’t. I mean, I’m not going to lose any sleep over it. But, ya know, I hope you care!!!!

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3 thoughts on “Somehow this became all about 16 and Pregnant

  1. First, having children only makes you question life further (like did I remember to brush my teeth? I wonder if I left my cell phone in the fridge, again??)..speaking of magic wallet, man I WISH I could afford a nanny some days. wait on the five. wait a long time. oh and don’t name any of them twilight or apple…but I like DIXIE . Speaking of TV, Gossip Girls totally sucked..they call that a season finale??? (sorry I got off track, I think we may be blood related)
    second, i recommend Texas Chainsaw Massacre..it is FILLED with Existential Crisis!
    I am so glad my wise self is here to help you. Your VERY WELCOME!

  2. Ooookkkkayyyyy. Are we the same person? Is this real life?

    Last night I ate an entire bag of chips, and I don’t even like chips. Nor was I hungry. I just felt like eating. I need to get back to Raleigh NOW.

    Existential movies: Garden State. The Darjeeling Limited. Into the Wild. That’s all I have for now, but I’ll think of more soon.

  3. For starters..you and lauren suck. don’t be in any rush to get a job or internship. i’m sitting at work all day every day when i’d much rather be outside playing in the sun, or inside reading, or taking pictures, etc. In other words, I’m a little jealous of your summer.

    Second of all, you suck for being home and leaving me for another week. and you missed fun beach music last night. and dancing. and wine.

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