If you wanna be my lovah…

  • You don’t have to get with my friends. In fact, I’d rather you not do that. I’m not trying to smother you or anything like that, but you are with only me and I will keep you and love you forever. Just like Miss Emily did Homer Barron in that Faulkner story, “A Rose for Emily.” I don’t mean the part where she poisoned him with arsenic so she could lay by his dead body for eternity. I just mean the part where she loves him so much. Like I love you.
  • Be funny. Or at least know how to take a joke. Be Demetri Martin.
  • Don’t think it’s weird if I want to stay in bed all day and watch The Walking Dead (or any of the other million shows that I watch). And then don’t think it’s weird if I ask you a question like, “What if there’s a zombie apocalypse??? You’d risk your life to save me from a flesh-eating monster wouldn’t you??? Well???”
  • Want to have children. I have this fantasy in my head of a big brood of youngins ramblin’ around the house. These children will carry on our legacy and go on to run nearby villages and towns. They are of noble origin and I want them to know that, but also be humble and give alms to the poor.
  • Listen to good music. And don’t find it odd that I can go from listening to Black Sabbath to Elton John. Or, find it odd and then think, “I love this girl. Her taste in music is so…eclectic!”
  • Don’t get mad at me if I say, “Jon Hamm would never do that!” or “You think Jon Hamm treats his woman like this?!” Be patient with me until I realize that Jon Hamm will never be a part of my life the way that you are.
  • Don’t, under any circumstance, call me “babe.” I hate that term of endearment more than anything in the world. I would prefer “pumpkin” or “snuggly wuggly bear froo froo mamacita” over “babe” any day of the week.
  • Buy the square-cut diamond. (Teeheehee giggles!)

My inspiration:

Glad she reminded me that I love running my fingers through soft (preferably dark) hair.


7 thoughts on “If you wanna be my lovah…

  1. OMG have I told you how much we are the same person?? A Rose for Emily scares me to this day, and I love that you referenced that when talking about a love…not creepy at all. I also just saw a picture of Mark W. and his wife in a magazine (p.s. isn’t she successful at something too?) and she dwarfed him. Maybe she’s a model, I forgot. Ok and finally, I just watched Daniel Tosh do standup on Netflix, and it was possibly the funniest thing I have ever seen. I am fully in love with him too.

    • I swear we were cut from the same cloth.
      I read A Rose for Emily in high school and it just stuck with me. Not sure what made me think of that for this. Just popped into my head! Woo!
      It would not surprise me at all if Marky Mark’s wife used to model.
      Daniel Tosh. I go on youtube and watch videos of his standup all the time. And then picture what our children would (or maybe will?) look like.

  2. i like how you reference something to do with pop culture in a majority of those criteria.

    also, i like being called babe. love it in fact. i love just about any term of endearment though. AGH I NEED A MAN.

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