Deciding where to go on a Saturday night is easy if you’re me. Because my friends and I generally go to the same places every weekend.
Our first stop is always this frat boy wonderland where at first glance I’m all, okay…I can deal with this. It’s dim up in here. I like that. I like dark places. Then I start looking for some fresh meat. HAH, I’m kidding. Who says “fresh meat”? I do. Leave me alone. That’s when I pause. Chinos! Visors! Loafers! Oh my! But shouldn’t y’all be roofie-ing some freshman over at Greek court right now? Oh, this is where recent frat grads go to chill with their bros. I need a beer. WHAT?! ONE BEER IS FOUR DOLLARS. Alright, I’ll have one because I like it. It’s tastes good. They put a little orange piece in it and everything. Yummy. Keep scanning, Hillary. You come here every week, remember? Oh look! An open table! Right there by the dart boards. Because…I…love…darts? How I do love a guy who can throw a mean dart. All while wearing shorts above the knee! So sexy. I am a knee cap girl, myself.
You see, this is all okay because I’m supporting my friend who is into these dudes. The ones that are nice. Who am I to judge a book by it’s cover? But where are my kinda men? You know the ones. Tall…dark…plaid…scruffy…maybe a little alternative in that they might have a tattoo peeking out of their rolled up sleeve…
Oh gawd, knee cap is telling my friend about his business. I start imagining what kind of business I would like to open. Maybe one of those chocolate fountain places? Where you can dip ANYTHING in chocolate. The sky is limit at MY store.
Up, time to move on out! Next stop is a place that calls itself a sports bar, but really it’s just one of those places that offers cheap drinks and a dance floor for people to have sex with their clothes on. CALM DOWN, Mom. I’m joking. (Sideways face) This place is so crowded that you can’t move your feet across the sticky floor. Damn it, my black flat is stuck in what I hope is just beer. (Sideways face) We stand awkwardly on the edge of the crowd and…wait, are they playing Spice Girls right now? I’ll tell ya what I want, what I really really want. We sing this because it gives us something to do. It’s hot as a mother in here! Woowee. We’re over it. Later.
Then I get home, curl up in my bed and watch an episode of Roswell or something.
Max Evans, you so dreamy and mysterious. You’re an alien, but that just makes you more interesting!