That One Time I Smacked Someone

When I was in the third grade I slapped my best friend. At lunch. In the cafeteria.

Let me start from the beginning.

I was just sitting there, minding my own, eating my chicken patty on bun, when she starts picking on me about my current crush, Rufus*.

“You like Rufus! You like Rufus! Na na na boo boo!” she taunted. (She didn’t really say “Na na na boo boo,” but it fits. Let me elaborate. This is a memoir, after all)

So I hauled off and smacked her in the face.

We were both stunned.

I couldn’t believe I did that.

She couldn’t believe I did that.

Then lunch was over.

Lucky for me she wasn’t a tattler, so I didn’t get in trouble.

I felt so guilty about it, though, that I gave her my pink unicorn eraser.

Anyone else remember these? They came in all shapes, sizes, and colors. (Not just unicorns). We used to trade them and then line them up on our desks to show off our glorious bounty.

After that, all was right in the world.

And I haven’t slapped anyone else, since.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

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2 thoughts on “That One Time I Smacked Someone

  1. love it!! I once stole two slap bands from Mary Katharine in second grade. She told the teacher so I cleverly hid them in my strawberry shortcake toboggan. The plan went south when Ms. Umberger ribbed the hat off my head (with a few hairs) and called my mom. I guess it was a dead giveaway that I was wearing my hat inside while sitting at my desk. BTW- remind me not to mess with you- you violent She Devil!!!

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