Missed Connections

Sometimes when I’m bored or when I’m putting off writing a paper on something I have no clue about (WHAT THE EFF IS SUBSTANCE DUALISM?), I read missed connections on craigslist.

I have yet to find a legitimately cute one. Not that I expect to, since most of these are outrageously creepy.

Some examples include:

You Took Xrays of Me…

I must admit that you made my ER visit very pleasant because you were so professional, yet gentle. I never knew that getting Xrays taken could be so seductive until you showed me how gentle, kind, patient, and professional you could be. More than anything, I didn’t want to leave you. If this is my guy, email me and let me know the first letter, in your first name so I will know that it’s you.

(I have my own personal Xray machine at home if you would like to come over sometime. Then you will never leave me. I will keep you forever.)

Smoke Shop Girl…

You were so cute behind the counter in your new coat. I don’t know why I didn’t ask you out but I really should have. Especially after you knocked the phone off the wall…

(I know your coat is new because I watched you buy it. I love to watch you buy things. I love to watch you knock phones off of walls. I love to watch you.)

Hottie in my room last night

You were in my room last night but you thought I wanted more than you were willing to give. I would love to have you come by again please reply

(If you are now willing to give more than you thought I wanted you to give me, let me know so we can each get and give what each of us wants to give and get.)

Stalker???

To the gorgeous girl that seemed to have been with me at each of my stops in Friday night. I really wish that there would have been just a little more time left to the night. I has so many more things to say.

In case you don’t remember we sat on the couch together at O’Malley’s. I even remember the comment made about the cougar in the cheetah undies. I saw you in the car next to me on the way down Glenwood. And at the banr at Napper’s. You were the most stunning woman that I saw anywhere that I looked and your smile made me smile each time that I saw it.

Please find me…I really want to see you again.

(In case you don’t remember, I love you. I even remember telling you I love you. I said I loved the cougar’s cheetah undies, but I really meant that I love you. I saw you next to me in the car and I wrote “I love you” in the condensation on my car window. When I look at you and see you smile I know that I love you.)

Trinity Park Surprise

Cruising through Trinity Park this morning on my way to somewhere else…

When…

Oh wow, did I run across a beautiful surprise!!!

What a knock out. Amazing. Smoking. Stunning.

What were you doing outside in those tiny blue shorts and your Ug boots?

It was awfully cold.

But you were on fire. You looked so hot, I couldn’t focus on class all morning, as the memory of you kept resurfacing and distracting me.

Would love to exchange pics and see more of you.

(I want to see what your feet look like when you aren’t wearing those Ugg boots. I think I would love your feet. Send me a pic of your feet.)

Sufficiently creeped out yet? I sure as hell am.

HAVE FINALS, MUST STUDY.

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4 thoughts on “Missed Connections

  1. Are those for real?? I laughed my butt off….get back to work woman.
    Ps. I’m the girl in the blue shorts and ugg boots…it’s my favorite outfit in the winter, I’m so “hot” I don’t need a coat or pants. Did he leave contact info?? 🙂

      • I showed this post to my teacher friends, (you know when we were suppose to be teaching kids to read, sorry taxpayers), but anyway they thought you were so clever and funny and want to read your blog. thanks to you I am now addicted to missed connections….are these people for real? funny.

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