I like liking things, so here are some things that I like liking:
This huge-ass tusk I can wear around my neck
What animal does this belong to? Elephant? Mammoth? Warthog? I hope it’s from a sabertoothed tiger because the yellow power ranger was always my favorite and isn’t that what she morphed into? I’m too lazy to look it up, so if I’m wrong then whatever.
Marina and the Diamonds
I tried to fight this one. I fought so hard, you guys. I would see this chick all over tumblr, with her blonde hair and black roots and that little heart tattooed on her cheek and gifs of her music videos where she’s dramatically looking outside a window while it’s raining, with the caption “Love will always be a game.” So stupid! Scoff! I’m too good for this “music”! I had already gotten sucked into the Lana Del Rey vortex and I wasn’t ready to let that happen again. I’ve been hurt too many times. But the force was too strong. Next thing you know I’m driving down the road singing, “I’m Miss sugar pink, liquor liquor lips. Hit me with your sweet love, steal me with a kiss. I’m Miss sugar pink, liquor liquor lips. I’m gonna be your bubblegum bitch.” What even is that? I don’t know, but I am weak.
I already loved this man, but after watching his debate with Bill O’Reilly, I was like lay me down and take me now, Jon. Seriously. Some of the Rumble is a litle fuzzy because I found myself drifting off into a fantasy land where I was running my fingers through his salt and pepper hair, whispering “Talk politics to me, baby. You’re so smart and funny. Let’s have a small army of children so the world will be smarter and funnier” in his ear. The Gonna Girl said it best with this tweet: “The Rumble 2012 should be renamed ‘Jon Stewart Making My Panties Melt.'” PREACH.
Speaking of panty melting, I’m mad crushing on this dude. So I wrote this about his manly manliness.
Jim Gaffigan: Mr. Universe
He has a joke about McDonald’s that lasts like thirty minutes, but you don’t even care! He’s so dry and deadpan and I love it. This special is on Netflix so watch it because I said so.
This Pear and Cranberry Crumble.
My apartment smells like straight up Fall now because of this. It’s sweet and tart at the same time, just like everything that is great in the world. Just like me! Just kidding. It is the most important thing to me in my life. Not kidding. My whole life. I’m probably going to eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the next few days. And then I’ll probably continue to make other ones to eat for the rest of my days. Actually I won’t because peeling pears is my least favorite thing ever. Here’s the recipe. Sorry the picture is so shitty. I don’t owe you anything.
The Mindy Project
This show. This show. Mindy Kaling is my hero. In a mere three episodes, she’s managed to reference everything that means anything to me. Like, Michael Fassbender’s face and penis, Amelie and red wine, Voldemort and Hermione, chocolate fountains…and the list goes on. Plus, Chris Messina = Rawr.
Okay that’s all. Bye.